It might sound like an oxymoron, “toxic positivity”. How can positivity really be toxic?
There is a social psychological process called “cognitive consistency”, which describes our innate human need to seek consistency in our thoughts and feelings and avoid inconsistency. On the flipside, cognitive inconsistency is a reflection of when our thoughts and feelings are torn and conflicted.
Cognitive inconsistency can sometimes present as ambivalence – when we have a mix of positive and negative thoughts or feelings about something.
Feelings of ambivalence are actually known to cause an increase in blood pressure, depression, and an overall weakened immune defense. So ambivalence, when not checked, can be detrimental to our health.
So what does this mean for culture?
Scenario: It is year-end and your CEO is giving an all-company “state of the union” address on how the year went and how things are going. There is energy, and positivity, maybe even some swag. On the outside, everything looks and sounds great. The overall message is that things are going well.
But, the message lacks depth. She/he/they didn’t really share financials. We don’t really get a sense of how well the company is performing on objectives. Nobody knows if there will be bonuses or raises. Most of the conversation is positioned on the future and all of the exciting things you all have to look forward to in the year ahead.
Alarms go off in your head… bzzzzzzz! Something’s afoot! This sounded good, but it didn’t really feel good. Because you care about your organization and your impact and want to really know how things are going. You now feel ambivalence, due to the cognitive inconsistency taking place.
Most people are wired to seek honesty and authenticity. When we don’t get that, it really is uncomfortable. Ambivalence leaves you in a state of limbo, where you are left to your own devices to grapple and wrestle the inconsistency of your own conflicting thoughts and feelings.
In cultures that push positivity, someone feeling ambivalent now feels guilty, confused, and alone.
In a lot of ways, this is actually worse than just feeling negative. In fact, in a study revealed by Harvard Business Review, employees that were ambivalent (specifically about their manager) actually performed worse in their job than employees who were just honest about not liking their manager.
People unite through a shared sense of reality. “This is great!” and “this sucks!” can be equally powerful in bringing people together. When things suck, or when they aren’t perfectly positive, you cannot hide that. Employees are already feeling and experiencing the affects of that in their job.
I challenge you: think of a scenario where something negative was happening, and it was so isolated and contained that no one felt its affects. Most business challenges have trickle down effects that even when employees are in the dark, they feel them. It impacts their day somehow.
Bottomline: Cultures of positivity are not bad when they can truly be authentic. They become toxic when positivity is a veil of deceit, or when it is used to silence or stifle negativity. In healthy cultures there is room for both positive and negative feedback and experiences, because when people can share freely and are open to learning and growing, everyone has a more authentic connection.
Dimensions of culture that combat ambivalence?
1. Openness
A culture of openness is one that embraces and relies on healthy communication in all directions. Leaders have to create an environment that feels safe for feedback. Having an ear to the ground and asking for feedback regularly is the first step in having a realistic sense of the environment.
2. Security
Once feedback is shared, employees need to feel like they can trust leaders to process that feedback professionally. Check your ego at the door, this is a chance to grow. People also want to trust that they are going to receive feedback, so they can do everything they can to perform at their best. We cannot fix what we do not know. No hidden landmines.
3. Collaboration
A side effect of ambivalence is often the isolation that comes with feeling conflicted. A lack of authenticity lends itself to a lack of trust. Cultures that promote collaboration tend to be more transparent about challenges, because they embrace a team-approach to solving problems. When people feel supported, when they have a tribe, they feel more grounded which can help sort through those inconsistent thoughts and feelings.